Mello Matt and Near's Planejacking Extraordinaire
by Bleeding Destruction
Summary: It's Light and L's big day! Nothing will go wrong, right? ...not with Mello looking to spice up their honeymoon! "They are never going to let us go." "That's what makes it fun." Rated T for Mello's refined language! :D (Now with a sequel: Mello, Matt, and Near's Journey to Japan)


_Mello, Matt, and Near's Plane-jacking Extraordinaire:_

Today was the big day. Well, not my big day, but still a big day. My older brother was getting married today. Technically, he's not my brother, but he's as good as.

My brother was L, the world-famous detective. Yeah, sounds insane, huh? Get used to it; that's the story of my life. Well, anyways, L reminds me of a vampire. He has this pale skin that makes you think he's never been in the sun once, and wild, ebony hair that goes _everywhere_. Also, his eyes are black and excessively big for his face- everything about him screams _weird_. But I digress.

L was getting married to Yagami Light. Light-san was an Asian guy with chocolate-colored eyes, which almost got him in my good books right away, because I _really _like chocolate. And he has hair like that American singer, Jastin Beaver or whatever it is, but personally, I like Light-san's hair better. Maybe it's just because he gives me chocolate when I see him.

I was proud to say that I was to give Light away, because his remaining family (that being his sister, Sayu, who could not get off work, and wouldn't be giving him away anyways) would not be coming. The Whammy's Orphanage kids would be the only guests. It was probably safer that way anyways.

The best thing about this wedding is that everyone was just going to wear their regular clothes. Good thing, too, because I would _not _be wearing a suit for anyone, even if they _did_ give me chocolate... Well, I might wear a suit for Matt, but that's beside the point.

Light peeked out of the dressing room. "Is it time yet?" He asked frantically.

I looked over him (wearing his dress shirt and khaki pants and red tie, as usual). "Why so worried? I thought you were _ready_." I laughed as his worried expression faded away into annoyance.

"Shut the hell up, _Mihael_." Light bit back, "I'm just nervous."

A piano began playing a soft song, not the wedding march, but some classical song that I could not name for the life of me. "Well, that's our cue, Light-san!"

I took the man's arm and led him out and down the aisle. Blossoming cherry trees (L said they reminded him of candy, and candy reminded him of his Light-kun. I don't _want_ to know what the fuck he meant by that.) littered the area and the Whammy's kids sat in the grass, watching cheerfully. Near was the flower boy; he emotionlessly (and gracelessly, and carelessly) flung rose petals as he walked down the aisle just ahead of us. I saw Matt (a _very_ sexy best man and also maid of honor…? Dunno how that worked.) and L waiting at the altar. L spotted Light-san and smiled; I looked over and saw Light-san beaming as well.

"Hey, sunshine, are you nervous now?" I quipped teasingly.

Light giggled. "No."

We reached the altar and took our places. Watari was the guy marrying L and Light, and I was not really paying attention to what was being said.

"L and Light, we are gathered here today..." Began the ceremony.

Near nudged me suddenly. "Pay attention!" He said tonelessly.

"…Also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and highly public celebration of the ideals off…" Watari continued.

No… more… vows… I thought hatefully. Alas, it was not to be so.

"…to comfort you when you cry, and to join your laughter with my own. Take this ring, and be part of my life forever." L murmured, sliding a white gold ring on Light's finger.

"Your gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings. The wedding ring is a symbol of the vows taken here today… A circle of wholeness perfect in form. The unending circle of a ring is…" Watari continued, and I began to zone out again.

"Mello! It's almost over, and you've fallen asleep! Wake up!" Near snapped at me, frustration seeping into his voice.

I jumped. "What the fuck? Huh?"

"I now pronounce you are married. If you wish to seal this marriage with a kiss, you may do so now." Watari finished.

I stared as Light and L kissed, only looking away when it got a little too intimate for me. Near (yes, _Near_, I know, it's fucking shocking) wolf-whistled, and that's when the happy couple seemed to remember where they were.

Light coughed awkwardly, and we all laughed.

"Congratu-fucking-lations!" I cried, and I meant that in the best way possible.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Matt! I know how we should celebrate Light and L's wedding!" I whispered.<p>

Matt looked over from his seat at our table. "What are you plotting now?"

"Let's go with L and Light on their honeymoon!" I proposed (more like demanded) jauntily, biting a chocolate cupcake.

"They are _never _going to let us go." Matt stated.

"That's what makes it fun."

"Okay then. What have you got in mind?"

I leaned over and whispered in his ear, and he laughed. Oh yes, I decided, this will be _fun_.

* * *

><p>Matt and I had just arrived at the airport- an hour before L and Light were due to arrive. As I approached the plane, can of spray paint in hand, a head of fluffy white hair popped up.<p>

"What the fuck? Hellish little sheep!" I shrieked.

Matt took a drag off his cigarette. "Don't read what he painted, Mello; it'll just make you madder."

Of course, that's what I immediately did.

_Near was here first._ Painted in _bright __**blue **_paint. Perfectly.

"Oh, you little bitch!" I snarled, leaping forward.

Matt grabbed my arm. "Don't you mess this up! We planned this out, and you are not going to mar this with murder!"

"But he… and he… Dammit, Matt, this was supposed to be my win!" I whined.

"I didn't take out the pilot yet. Look. Here he comes," Near said apathetically.

Sure enough, a man dressed in a white suit was coming. Shame that suit wouldn't be white anymore soon. I pulled out a gun.

"You're not going to shoot him, are you?" Matt whispered.

"Hell no! Tranq, Matt, it's a tranq." I snapped, taking aim.

The pilot was quite surprised when a needle hit him in the arm. He wasn't too surprised when he toppled over, though- he was already was unconscious. Matt rushed over and dragged him out of sight. I began painting in bright red paint:

_You are all my bitches. Love, Mello._

Near snorted and watched as Matt came back. "Hah, nice," the red-head laughed, taking up his own can and adding his own message.

_Game over. You lose, bitches._

I added the 'bitches' part in my own scarlet paint though.

"Shouldn't we prep for flight?" Near pointed out. "It's fifteen 'till they get here."

"_I_ am the pilot, got it, Near?" I snapped. "I took the most flight classes at Whammy's. Though I doubt they'll be having it anymore after this…"

We entered the plane quickly, laughing..

XXXX

L and I just arrived at the airport. Watari took us straight to the plane.

_Near was here first._

_You are all my bitches. Love, Mello._

_Game over. You lose, bitches._

"Those boys!" Watari grumbled.

I laughed. "They certainly are creative!"

L and I entered the plane holding hands. Watari left, and the door slammed closed suddenly. Near smiled.

"What the…! Hellish little _sheep_!" I cried.

The intercom turned on. "You are about to fly Air Mello, bitches!" The sound of chocolate being snapped off a bar could be heard.

I buried my face in my hands and began to sob. "Why me?"

* * *

><p><strong>Haha, poor Light. But Mello is love. Seriously. And jam is delicious.<strong>

**Well, I spent a few days working on this, so it should be somewhat entertaining.**


End file.
